QUEERage

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Here I am again, RANTers! My second blog post for this day. Well, I have a debt to you guys so yes, I am doing two posts in one day.

In this post, I’ll be RANTing about the benefits of coming (I know we both like that one.) out of the closet. And by that, I mean having the QUEERage to tell everyone around you that you’re an LGBT.

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Just like that little kid, let me RANT about how I came (Like it?) out of the closet first…

During the evening of January 9, 2009, the Black Nazarene has just passed by our street and me, my Mom, my sister, a cousin, and my Godmother all went to our house. We were all exhausted from the day’s festivities and we were all just talking. Then suddenly, my sister blurted out “Ikaw, bakit di mo inaya mga ka-uri mo?” (Why didn’t you invite the likes of you?). I answered (Of course.) her by saying, “Ano, mga bakla?” (What, gays?). Then our Mom said, “Balong, bakla ka?” (Dear, you’re gay?). And I said “Yes”.

That did it for me and my Mom. I've already prepared myself on what will happen to me back then.

Oh, my Mom’s reaction? She just sat there in front of me, unbelieving. She just can’t believe that their only son is G-A-Y. Her reason is that she’s afraid that I might grow old LONELY. Just by myself and without any family to support me. She’s afraid that I would die all by myself.

That week went on without us discussing about my sexuality. I didn’t feel burdened by what I said. In fact, I felt relieved because I will not have to hide any secrets from any of them anymore. But I know that it won’t be easy.

Then one night, my Mom told me that she accepts who I am BUT I can’t have any BOYFRIENDS. Can you believe that? I simply thought to myself, “What am I, Maria Clara?”. I just simply laughed it off as a joke because she’s treating me like their youngest daughter (And the fact that I have a curfew back then.)

Then on November of that same year, I met my husband/partner/soulmate (Talk about timing.) and yes I kept that a secret to my Mom. Well because I still remember her telling me to not have a boyfriend (And I still smile whenever I think about it.).

Then the following year, my Mom went to Canada to work and to start saving money for my Medicine School.

We still communicate through with each other on Facebook and on the phone. Then one day, when me and my Mom were talking on the phone she said, “Balita ko may boyfriend ka na daw ah.” (I’ve heard that you have a boyfriend.). Then the little honest-to-gayness me said, “Oo, meron.” (Yes,  I have.). Then just like a little kid who’s throwing a tantrum, Mom said “Ehhh… Huwag BOYfriend balong. GIRLfriend. Pero okay lang.” (Ehhh… Not BOYfriend, dear. A GIRLfriend. But it’s okay.). Then after that conversation, she’s always asking how me and my hubby are doing. In fact (And I thought of the other “F” word.), my Mom and my hubby just met this year in Canada.

Well, so much about my QUEER life. But what am I trying to say here?

Coming out of the closet could be one step into the freedom that you’re looking for. Having the QUEERage to do so could help you accomplish things. No more trying to hide things from the others. No more pressure of having to find a boyfriend/girlfriend just to show the world that you’re “straight”.

Yes, there could be bashing and hate-calls or hate-mails from others but the thing is you’re just being you. It’s as if they’re trying to say that an apple should be dressed like an orange and act like an orange. But no matter how they “dictate” how an apple should look like and and how it should act, if they would only try to look deep inside that apple, they will find out what that apple really is.

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It is just the matter of acceptance. That is all what it is.